Thursday, January 4, 2018

I can't believe I'm writing this: The politics of presidential penis insecurity

It has come to this.

Last March, I wrote a post about Donald Trump and "vulgarity."  This was during the primaries.  People were aghast that Trump bragged about the size of his penis during a presidential debate.  My objection was not to the impropriety of discussing genitalia.  My comment was what it said about Trump that he felt the need to do so.  The problem wasn't that Trump broke some unstated rule about discussing naughty parts.  The problem was that Trump is incredibly insecure about the size of his penis, and feels the need to make public statements to deal with his insecurity because a story had been written about him, decades earlier, calling him a "short-fingered vulgarian."  And he's still obsessed with it.

A few days ago, I wrote a post looking back on the first year of Trump's Presidency, referring to him as a "social science quasi-experiment."  I posed a bunch of worst-case-scenario traits for a president, and it didn't even occur to me, even a few days ago, to list all-consuming insecurity with penis size.

And yet, here we are.  Trump is actually doing the "mine is bigger than yours" thing with Kim Jong Un.  Then, there's the voter fraud commission.  There's good news here!  It has been disbanded!  Trump couldn't deal, psychologically, with the fact that he "lost the popular vote," even though as I have written, the popular vote isn't even really a thing.  I'm just going to write it.  For Trump, this is about... insecurity.  My... popular vote tally is bigger than yours.  Why doesn't it look that way?  Voter fraud!  Shrinkage!  (If I link to the source material, though, Steve Bannon gets a cut, but I'll get to him soon enough.)

My... inauguration crowd is bigger than yours.

The good news is that, so far, it doesn't look like we have suffered much in the way of consequences!  As I wrote in my 2017 wrap-up, things are actually pretty good right now, and even that bullshit voter fraud commission got shut down.

What happens, though, when things take a turn for the worse?  Here are some scenarios:

1)  The GOP suffers big losses in 2018

2)  A major economic downturn

3)  Mueller indicts people too close to Trump, or reveals something too damaging about Trump

Those are just a few possibilities.  Any of these will make Trump look weak.  Then, he has to lash out.  The result?  Badness.

Your assignment:  Go watch the South Park episode, "T.M.I."


  1. Did you see the real kicker about shutting down the commission?

    Last line of the press release (such as it is), says he's going to ask Homeland Security about next steps.

    Because, you know, we don't have an election commission at the federal level. And it's clearly a foreign threat to our security when a brown person votes.

    1. Hmmm... foreign threats... And the 2016 election? You don't say!

      And as long as you're going with the "brown person" thing, I'm sure one of Trump's racist stereotypes can work its way into his... little insecurities. To paraphrase George Carlin: What? They have bigger dicks than me? Don't let them vote!

      I really wish this were entirely satire. I really, really wish that.

      Satire isn't even possible anymore. We have a President who really does regularly brag about the size of his penis. This is our world now.

      Rock bottom, oh how I miss you, way up there!

    2. If Laotians gave money to a federal candidate, the FEC would investigate.
      If Chileans tried to buy a radio station, the FCC would look into it.
      If Ugandans wanted to fly an airplane in the US, the FAA would regulate that.

      Moreover, Trump has never really suggested that Russians hacked servers. He argues that people inside the borders of the US cast ballots illegally. That's....the FEC's turf.

    3. I was just drawing the implication. Since Trump is full of shit about everything anyway, it doesn't matter.